The Drunken cat and the possessed pen!_episode 92

Francis, the cat, is in his backyard, spread out on a beach chair, basking in the sunlight.

He´s belly up, snoring like he had just swallowed a machine gun.

Someone or something opens the back door that leads to the yard.

It nears Francis, stealthily.

A devious grin comes over this creature as it nears the sleeping cat.

As it reaches Francis, jumps high into the air.

It lands right in the middle of Francis´s belly.

Doodle (screaming): Banzai!

Francis wakes up with a jolt like someone had just punched him awake.

Cat (screaming): Ah!

Doodle drops to the floor in a hysterical laugh.

Doodle: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Cat: Are you trying to kill me?
Doodle (stops laughing and looks at Francis dead serious): No.

Cat: Then why the hell did you do that?
Doodle: To wake you up.
Cat: you could have just called my name.

Doodle: what fun would that have been?
Cat: Listen to me kid, you can´t…
Doodle (interrupting): Wow! No! You listen to me old timer…

Cat (outraged): Old timer?
Doodle: yes.
Cat: Me?
Doodle: yes.

Cat: Why?
Doodle: ´cause you´re old.
Cat: No I´m not!
Doodle: Older than me.

Cat: didn´t your parents teach you to respect your elders?
Doodle: No.
Cat: well, they should have.

Doodle starts to yawn, bored.

Cat (mad): Hey!
Doodle: what?
Cat: What´re you doing here anyways?

Doodle: Patty came to visit Jason and she brought me along.
Cat: why?
Doodle: something about me visiting my dear old uncle.

Cat: Kid, I´m not your uncle.
Doodle: Fine. My cousin then.
Cat: Go away.

Doodle: No can´t do.
Cat: why the heck not?
Doodle (ignoring the question): So, what does one do for fun around here?
Cat: I don´t know. Go suck an onion or something.

Doodle (confused): what?
Cat: Go away!
Doodle: Are there any rats in the neighborhood?
Cat (curious): why?

Doodle: So I can chase and eat them. Why did you think? I wanted to invite them for tea and cookies?

Cat (disgusted): you eat rats?
Doodle: You don´t?
Cat: Of course not!
Doodle: Why?

Cat: Because…
Doodle (interrupting): Because what? Please don´t tell me you´re so used to that crappy food the human feeds you off of a box, that you ignore your instincts completely and don´t hunt.

Cat: I don´t.
Doodle: don´t what?
Cat: Hunt. And I don´t eat other living creatures.

Doodle: where´s your predator instinct?
Cat: flew away on a magical pony.
Doodle: so basically you´re a useless cat.

Cat (offended): Hey! I´m not useless!
Doodle: Fine. Then tell me, very useful cat, what exactly do you do?
Cat: I´m cute and fluffy!
Doodle (dumbstruck): Are you serious?

Cat: very.
Doodle: That´s that useful, that´s… well, nothing.
Cat: stupid creature, I´m a cat. A very cute, fluffy and loving cat. That´s all I´m supposed to be. Jason loves me that way.

Doodle: You´re a useless cat. I, on the other hand, am a warrior, a fearless hunter.
Cat: Hey fearless hunter?
Doodle: what?
Cat: Look to your right.
Doodle (looks to the right): what?

As Doodle turns his head to the right, he comes face to face with a huge rat, staring right at him.

Raul: Boo!
Doodle (screaming): Ah!

Doodle jumps high into the air and lands on his face. As soon as he can get up he runs off, scared out of his mind.

Doodle (running/screaming): Mommy!

Francis breaks out laughing hysterically.

Cat: HA! HA! HA!

Raul joins him.

Raul: HA! HA! HA!

Cat: Oh God! Thank you for that.
Raul: who´s the kid?
Cat: belongs to Jason´s sister. (mocking) I´m a fearless hunter. Ha! Ha! Ha!

He looks back to the house, to where Doodle ran off to.

Cat (cont./mocking): Hey fearless hunter, you forgot you spine here! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Raul: You´re so mean.
Cat: And you´re not?

They both break out laughing together.

Cat/Raul: Ha! Ha! Ha!

The end!

2017_Joana Teixeira


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