The Drunken cat_Amelia´s side story 3

Amelia is in her backyard, spread out on a beach chair, belly up.

Margaret, the rat, comes on by.

Margaret: Hey there pussycat!
Amelia: Hey Mags! What´re you up to?
Margaret: the usual, looking for food.

Amelia: Shouldn´t Billy be the one doing that?
Margaret: are you kidding me? Men! Can´t live without them, can´t rip their heads off.
Amelia: well, you can but… I would advise against it.

Margaret: Some experience in that department?
Amelia: Some…
Margaret: oh… so there is a Mr. Amelia?

Amelia: Mr. Amelia?
Margaret: a man! Did you get yourself a boyfriend? Or two…
Amelia: Please! Just the one, and trust me he´s a pain in the butt as it is, I don´t need another.

Margaret: If he´s so bothersome why not dump him and look for another?
Amelia: He´s not all bad.
Margaret: Ah… So you do like him.

Amelia: sometimes.
Margaret: And what times are those? When he´s sleeping?
Amelia: Ha! Ha! Ha! Well, that. And when he´s not being an enormous twat!
Margaret: twat?

Amelia: an idiot!
Margaret: Is that even possible?
Amelia: what is?

Margaret: a time when he´s not an idiot.
Amelia: Ha! Ha! Ha!

Margaret: My dear, all men are idiots! Just do what I do, smack him in the head and when he´s about to bitch, open your eyes wide. Scare the crap out of him. Trust me, he won´t dare say a peep!

Amelia: I can´t smack him in the head!
Margaret: why not?
Amelia: Francis is already as crazy as they come. If I smack him, what´s left inside him might just break for good.

Margaret: just trying to help.
Amelia: I know. And believe me, I appreciate it. But I can easily deal with Francis. Anyways, how´re the kids?

Margaret: Oh please! Don´t get me started! The kids won´t stop eating and they´re always: “Mommy!”, “Mommy!”, “Mommy!”. Can´t wait for them to get out of the house.

Amelia: So, what? A month or two?
Margaret: Can´t it be a day or two?

Amelia: Until next time that is!
Margaret: Next time?
Amelia: Yeah, until you get knocked up again!

Margaret: Oh no! I´ve told Billy. Keep it in your pants buddy! Or next time you´ll be the one to pop something out.

Amelia:  What could he possibly pop out?
Margaret: his brain! I´ll kick him in the jewels! His brain will pop right out!

Amelia: Ha! Ha! Ha! You´re a riot.
Margaret: I´m serious pussycat!
Amelia: I believe you!

Margaret: I have to go! Bye pussycat.
Amelia: bye! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Margaret leaves and Amelia turns around, gets comfortable and falls asleep.

Amelia: Ha! Ha! Ha!

The end!

2017_Joana Teixeira


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