The Drunken cat and the possessed pen!_episode 83

Francis, the cat, comes out of the kitchen, a bit wobbly.

He nears a discarded doll on the floor and stops near it, ogling it.

Cat: Hey there! How are you today?

Nothing.

Cat: Hey! I´m talking to you!

Still nothing.

Cat: Has anyone ever told you, you are one rude doll?

Pen: What are you doing?
Cat (screaming): Ah!

Francis jumps high into the air and falls on his face

Pen (laughing): Ha! Ha! Ha! I´ll never get tired of doing this.
Cat (cont.) Ouch! That hurt!

Pen: one would assume that scaring you and watching you land on your face would get boring after a while, but you know what? It doesn´t.

Cat: Oh yeah?
Pen: yeah, if anything it gets funnier and funnier.
Cat: I hate you!

Francis tries to stand up.

Cat: you are one demented pen!
Pen: And you are one drunken cat.

The Pen nears the cat and immediately backs away.

Pen: (disgusted): Good God Francis! When was the last time you bathed?
Cat: Like, in water?
Pen: No, in wine! Of course in water you idiot!

Cat:  I don´t know. Last week? I think…
Pen: You think? Well I think you might be mistaken.
Cat: I honestly don´t care what you think.

Pen: Francis, you don´t just smell bad. You smell like something died and attached itself to you.

Francis, the cat, tries to smell himself.

Cat: I don´t smell anything.

Pen: That´s because you smell so bad, your sense of smell has died!
Cat: How would you know? You´re a pen!

Pen: Are you insane? Wait… my mistake. Public knowledge, you are insane. Demented? No, you´re that too.

Cat (getting annoyed): Hey!
Pen: You really can´t smell that?
Cat: smell what?

Pen: Francis, you smell like you just bathed in the garbage disposable bin. Wait… You didn´t, did you?

Cat: No.
Pen: You sure?

Cat: yes. And how the heck would you know how good or bad I smell. You´re a pen, an object. You don´t have a sense of smell.

Pen: yes, well… you smell so bad even my damned soul can feel it on the other side.

Francis looks to the sides, embarrassed.

Cat: That bad huh?
Pen: yes…
Cat: oh well…

Francis nears the pen and hugs it, tight.

Pen (in distress): Cat from hell, what are you doing?
Cat: I´m going to hug you, and love you and kiss you…

Kiss, kiss, kiss.

Pen: Oh god! HELP!!!

Kiss, kiss, kiss.

Pen: Oh please God, take me now!!! You reek, you crazy cat!
Cat: Love you too dear.

Pen (screaming): let go of me!
Cat: No.

Pen: You smell like something dead!
Cat: Between you and me, you´re the damned soul, remember?
Pen (trying to get away): Let me go!

Cat: No. I´m going to keep you forever and love you and kiss you…
Pen: Oh God! I can´t take this anymore. HELP!!! Stop licking me!
Cat: Ha! Ha! Ha!

Pen: I think I´m going to pass out!
Cat: Yeah good night.

Kiss, kiss, kiss.

Pen: I think… I see the light.
Cat: go towards it.
Pen: Ah…

The Pen “passes out”.

Francis lets go of the pen and it falls on the floor.

Cat: see ya! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Francis walks away with a victory smile on his face.

Jason comes into the room.

Jason: Oh God! What´s that smell? Francis?
Cat: Ah balls!

Jason picks Francis up and takes him to the bathroom.

Cat: Where are you taking me?
Jason: you need a bath! Or a dozen!
Cat: No way! Ah hell… (screaming) Francis 2, Pen from hell, who the hell cares, I won! Ha! Ha! Ha!

From inside the bathroom.

Cat (cont.): Hey, You idiot! That water´s cold!
Jason : Shut up you stinky cat!
Cat : I hate you!

Outside, the Pen listens in.

Cat (screaming): Meow! Meow! Meow!

Pen: Oh God I thought I was going to die!

The end!

2017_Joana Teixeira

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