The Drunken cat and the possessed pen!_episode 79

Francis, the cat is in his bed sleeping.

The Pen comes along.

“It” stops right in front of the cat.

Pen (softly): Francis? Oh Francis…
Cat (slurring): go away…
Pen: wake up sweetheart.

The cat, albeit annoyed, looks at the Pen.

Cat (raising his eyebrows): sweetheart?
Pen: hello dear…
Cat: Dear? Sweetheart? Are you high?

Pen: No, why?
Cat: Pen from hell, you want something.
Pen: No I don´t…
Cat: Yes, you do. What is it?

The Pen starts “looking” to the sides.

Cat: Pen?
Pen: well… you see…
Cat (losing his patience): what? What is it?

Pen: I need a favor.
Cat: Ha! I knew it!
Pen: Francis?
Cat: what?

Pen: I need YOU to do ME a favor.
Cat: does it involve me moving anywhere in the next three hours or so?
Pen: yes.

Cat: Forget it.
Pen: Please!
Cat: Okay. Let me get this straight; you want me to do you a favor?
Pen: yes.

Cat: It must be something big, you´re being incredibly polite.
Pen: It´s nothing special. It´s just something I need you to do.
Cat: You´re lucky.
Pen: I am?

Cat: yes.
Pen: why?
Cat: Because I´m so dang curious!
Pen (smiling): I know!

Cat: So…
Pen: so what?
Cat: Agh! What is it that you need me to do?

Pen: Remember that time you buried me in the yard?
Cat (grinning): yes…
Pen: I need you to do that again.
Cat (confused): you want me to bury you in the yard again?

Pen: Don´t be silly, of course not!
Cat: Then…
Pen (interrupting): I need you to bury Jason´s new pen in the yard, preferably next door´s.

Cat: what new Pen?
Pen: Jason has gotten this new Pen and he takes it everywhere with him.
Cat (mocking): You´re jealous of Jason´s new pen!

Pen: No I´m not!
Cat: yeah, you are. Is it prettier than you?
Pen:  Ha! Of course not!

Cat (laughing hysterically): it is! Ha! You´ve been replaced.
Pen: Stupid cat are you going to help me or not?
Cat: and why would I do that?

Pen: because you´re my friend.
Cat: No I´m not!
Pen: I’ll give you a cookie.

Cat: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Pen: come on Francis, help me out.

Cat (sighs): fine! It´s not like I have anything better to do.
Pen: yes.
Cat: so, where is this awesome and amazing pen you envy so much?

Pen: That pen is not awesome or amazing!
Cat: but you do envy it.

The Pen is at a loss for words.

Cat: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Pen: stop laughing you….

Francis looks at the Pen and raises his eyebrows.

The Pen rethinks what it was about to say.

Pen (cont.): … amazing and adorable cat…
Cat: okay.
Pen: Okay? You´ll do it?

Cat: yeah, sure. I´m bored anyways. So, where´s this pen you load so much?
Pen: On the table next to Jason´s bookshelf.

Francis gets down from his resting place and goes to the living room. He nears the table the Pen told him about and jumps on a nearby chair.

He then gets on the table. He spots the new pen he was looking for. With his paw he throws it to the floor.

Cat (looking to the side, playing innocent): Oops!

Francis jumps back to the floor and nears the pen, looking at it.

Cat: hello?

He uses his paw to touch it.

Nothing. Just a pen.

The Pen (from hell) comes over.

Pen: what´re you doing?
Cat: is this the pen you were talking about?
Pen: yes. Now hurry up and get rid of it.

Cat: why?
Pen: Because I don´t like it.
Cat: it´s just a Pen.
Pen: I´m a Pen.

Cat: yeah, but you´re special.
Pen: oh Francis, you really think so?
Cat: yes. Special straight from hell!

Pen: drunkard cat!
Cat: I´m sorry, what?
Pen: fluffy kitty?

Cat: I’ll make you a deal.
Pen: Anything!
Cat: I´ll get rid of this pen for you…
Pen: yes…

Cat: and you´ll stop haunting me.
Pen: like… forever?
Cat: yes.
Pen: But… won´t you miss me if I´m gone?
Cat: no.

Pen: liar liar, pants on fire.
Cat: I’ve told you before I don´t wear pants.
Pen: But you´d like to.

Cat: take it or leave it Bubba!
Pen: who´s Bubba?

Francis just stares at the Pen.

Cat: pen?
Pen: fine, I´ll leave you alone.
Cat: forever?

Pen: what? But… you´re my main source of entertainment.
Cat: Pen!
Pen: yes, okay, fine. Just get rid of it.

Francis uses his mouth and bites on the new pen. He takes it outside.

Moments later.

Francis comes back in.

Pen: did you do it?
Cat: Do what?
Pen: get rid of that awful pen.
Cat: oh yeah, I did.

Pen: thank you.
Cat: you´re welcome.
Pen: well, I guess this is goodbye.
Cat: yes.

Pen: goodbye then.
Cat: Bye!

Neither of them moves.

Cat: you´re supposed to leave.
Pen: I don´t want to.
Cat: you know I can always go outside and dug up that pen again.
Pen: yes, well, goodbye.

The Pen leaves and Francis goes back to his resting place.

Later in the day.

Francis is asleep when suddenly.

“Poing” in his head.

Cat (screaming): Ow! What the hell?
Pen: deal´s off stupid cat!

Cat: why?
Pen: Jason found his pen.
Cat: what? How?
Pen: don´t know don´t care! You suck!

Cat: stupid stick, I don´t know if you know this but there are millions of pens in this world. No matter how many I bury, Jason can always get another.

Pen: there are also millions of cats in the world. He can always get a new cat.
Cat: I´m his amazing and adorable cat.
Pen: yes, well, I´m his amazing and functional pen.
Cat: yeah, good luck with that.

Francis decides to turn his back to the Pen and resume his nap.

Pen: flea bag!
Cat (annoyed): I don´t have fleas!

The Pen leaves.

The end!

2017_Joana Teixeira

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