The Drunken cat and the possessed pen!_episode 76

Francis, the cat, is on the living room couch comfortably sleeping.

Jason isn´t home so the deviant cat has taken the opportunity to jump on the couch and enjoy its comfort. He knows he´s not supposed to do that but… oh well, he´s not going to tell Jason.

Francis tries once more to change his position to better “sink” into the fluffy pile of pillows decorating his favorite resting place for the afternoon.

He barely opens his eyes, but from the corner of his left eye he catches a glimpse of something staring at him.

If it wasn´t for the cold chill he felt from head to “paws” in that particular moment, Francis might have disregarded the presence nearing him.

He lies down and tries to ignore it, but something is off.

Cat: what do you want?
Orange Pen: Excuse me Mr. Cat?
Cat: Mr. Cat?

Francis doesn´t budge, he just turns his head to look at the Pen.

Orange Pen: Would you be so kind as to help me please?

Francis turns his head and mouths to himself:

Cat (silently, to himself): Please? Mr. Cat?

He shakes his head. Francis believes there´s a chance he´s hallucinating.

Orange Pen: Mr. Cat?

Francis opens his eyes wide and moves them from side to side, without moving his head.

He then gets up, slowly. Turns around carefully, a bit frightened.

On the coffee table, in front of him, is a Pen.

Cat (nervous): Hello…
Orange Pen: Hello there, Mr. Cat.
Cat: Who´re you?

Orange Pen: I´m Pen.
Cat: I can see that you´re a Pen but…
Orange Pen: yes…

Cat: size, color… manners… it´s all wrong.
Orange Pen: I beg your pardon?
Cat: we haven´t met before, have we?

Orange Pen: I don´t think so, no.
Cat: Are you by any chance related to that other pen?
Orange Pen: what pen?

Cat: the Pen!
Orange Pen: I´m a pen.
Cat: yes, I can see that. What I mean is, are you by any chance an acquaintance or something?

Orange Pen: of whom?
Cat: the Pen.
Orange Pen: what pen?

Cat: Agh! The pen from Hell!
Orange Pen: Mr. Cat, I believe you need Jesus!
Cat: I need what now?

Orange Pen: Mr. Cat, you´re going all crazy about a Pen, and hell. I think you might have a problem.

Cat: I do! It´s called Pen!
Orange Pen: What did I ever do to you?
Cat: Not you. The other Pen.

Orange Pen: what other Pen?
Cat: The Pen!
Orange Pen: oh for heaven´s sake, does this pen have a name?
Cat: yes.

Orange Pen: well? What is it?
Cat: Pen…
Orange Pen: I´m the Pen and I´ve never met you before.

Cat: we sound like two crazy people talking.
Orange Pen: hate to break it to you Mr. Cat, but we´re not people. I´m a pen and you´re a cat.

Cat: Are you serious?
Orange Pen: of course I´m serious. Are you so deluded you can´t tell the difference?
Cat: the difference between what?
Orange Pen: the difference between human beings and cats.

Francis opens his mouth to answer but gives up before uttering a sound.

He sys in annoyance.

Orange Pen: Mr. Cat?
Cat: Francis. My name is Francis.
Orange Pen: okay…

Pen: Mommy?
Orange Pen: Deary?
Cat (what?): Deary?
Pen (to Francis): shut up!

Orange Pen: I´ve been looking everywhere for you.
Pen: how did you find me here?
Cat: apparently your spaceship came to take you back.
Pen: ha! You wish.

Orange Pen: Deary, what are you doing here? I´ve been looking everywhere for you.
Pen: how the heck did you end up here?
Cat: your spaceship must have tracked you here.

Pen: will you shut up about the spaceship?
Cat: what? Is it a secret?
Orange Pen (ignoring the cat): I´ve missed you so much. I´m here to take you home.
Cat (excited): Really?

Pen: No.
Cat: yes.
Pen: please shut up!

Orange Pen: Pen, don´t you want to come home?
Cat: he does. She does? Whatever, yes!
Pen: be quiet.
Cat: No way.

Orange Pen: Mr. Cat?
Cat: yes?
Orange Pen: please be quiet.
Cat: yes ma´am.

Orange Pen: I’ve traveled this far to take you home and…

Anticipating a comeback from Francis, both Pens looks at the cat, who remains silent.

Orange Pen (cont.): I miss you, your brothers and sisters miss you. Don´t you want to come home?

Pen: I am home mom.
Orange Pen: what do you mean?
Pen: I’ve found my purpose.
Orange Pen: And what purpose is that?

Francis can´t help himself.

Cat: Oh! Oh! I know that one!

Both Pens give Francis a death glare.

He recoils and shuts the heck up.

Orange Pen: what is it with this cat?
Pen: that´s just it mom. Francis is my lifelong mission.
Orange Pen: are you saying he´s a creature with special needs?
Pen: you have no idea.

Orange Pen: if that´s what you want.
Pen: It is.
Orange Pen: As long as you´re happy I guess. Are you happy dear?
Pen: I am.

Orange Pen: okay. I´ll let the others know.
Pen: give them my best.
Orange Pen:  I will.

Turns to Francis

Orange Pen (cont.): Mr. Cat it seems that you´re very important to my dear Pen. All I ask of you is that you treat it right.

Cat: wait… you´re not taking it away with you?
Orange Pen: No.

Cat: why not?
Orange Pen: we all have a purpose to serve and it seems that my Pen has found its own.

Cat (annoyed): ah balls!
Orange Pen: are you sure about this cat? He´s incredibly weird.
Pen: yes, I know.

Orange Pen: Goodbye deary.
Pen: Goodbye mom.


Orange Pen goes away.

The Pen nears Francis.

Cat: so… you´re staying?
Pen: yup!
Cat: why?
Pen: my lifelong mission.

Cat: you mean annoy the heck out of me?
Pen: yup!
Cat: have I ever told you I hate you?
Pen: several times.

Cat: Pen from hell!
Pen (mocking, mimicking his mother): Pussycat you need Jesus!

They both start laughing.

Pen/Cat:  Ha! Ha! Ha!

The end!

2017_Joana Teixeira


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