The Drunken cat_Amelia´s side story 2

Amelia, the cat, was fiercely facing Missy, her owner, or as she likes to call her “human friend” on good days and on not so good days, “pain in my butt human”.

Missy: Amelia!
Amelia: What? It was just sitting there, looking at me. Enticing me.
Missy: I´m starting to think you might have a problem.

Amelia: I don´t have a problem. What makes you think I have a problem?
Missy: Amelia!
Amelia: what? You´re the one who´s mad. You´re screaming like a maniac and, oh yeah, you´re out of beer.

Missy: You have been spending way too much time with Francis, that drunkard cat!

Amelia decides to burp, loudly.

Missy: Gesundheit!
Amelia: No clue what you just barked but thank you.
Missy: That´s it! You´re grounded!

Amelia: Pft…! What´re going to do? Take away my cell phone? Hello? Cat! No opposable thumbs!
Missy: No more TV this week!
Amelia (outraged): Oh no you don´t!

Missy stares at Amelia while she bitches and moans insults at her, even though all she hears is “meow!”

Missy: That´s your punishment!
Amelia: You can´t do that!
Missy: Oh yes I can.

Amelia: but… my soap is on in like, 2 minutes.
Missy: No. Not today.

Amelia starts walking towards Missy, big sparkly eyes, fluffy tail up in the air.

Missy: No! Don´t give me that look!

Amelia continues making her way to Missy until she decides to jump on a nearby chair.

She raises her front paws and starts to purr.

Missy: Oh you crazy cat! I can never say no to you, can I?
Amelia (smiling): Not if your life depended on it! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Missy picks her up and an awful smell enters her nostrils.

Missy: God Amelia, you reek of beer.
Amelia: I know. Now let me watch my soap.

Amelia jumps from Missy´s arms onto the floor and makes her way to the living room couch.

Missy complies and turns on the TV, tuning Amelia´s favorite channel.

Amelia is excited and anticipating the beginning of her beloved show.

Missy: Amelia?
Amelia (not paying attention): what?
Missy: After your show is over, bath time!
Amelia (ignoring): yeah, yeah… (thinks) what did you just say?

Missy leaves the room and Amelia is left alone to enjoy her program.

Amelia: bat time? If you have bats, you better call an exterminator, because there´s no way I´m chasing those things. What if one of them bites me? What If I get an infection? What if I die? Hey! Are you listening to me?

Missy has gone upstairs and can´t hear Amelia ranting.

Amelia: If you have a bat problem, call Batman!

The end!

2017_ Joana Teixeira


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