The Drunken cat and the possessed pen!_episode 70

Previously on the Drunken Cat and the Possessed Pen:

Pen (girly voice): I´m sorry Mr. Cat, could you please help me?

Cat: I know a Pen, but I don´t know if the Pen I know is the one you´re looking for.
Pen: What´s it like?
Cat:  Crazy, mean and obnoxious. Mocks me relentlessly.

Cat: anyways, I met your fiancée.

Pen:  I don´t … (smile fades) oh good mother of God!

Now:

Francis, the cat, is highly entertained, staring at the two Pens.

He´s thrilled as the Pen starts looking everywhere, trying to find an escape route.

(pink) Pen: Thank you Mr. Cat.
Cat: You are quite welcome Miss Pen.
Pen: Mr. and Miss., what´s with the “niceness”?

Cat: It´s called having manners. You know, that thing you´re always accusing me of not having.
Pen: I hate you!

(pink) Pen: Darling I looked all over the place for you!
Pen: did you try hell?
(pink) Pen: what? Of course not silly!

Pen: could you excuse us for a minute?

The Pen “glides” away and Francis follows.

Pen: Please wipe that grin of your face.
Cat: Your girlfriend´s nice.

Pen (angry): That´s not my girlfriend!
Cat: Tell me have you set the date yet?
Pen: Date? Date for what?

Cat: For the wedding of course. Don´t tell me you´re going to bail on it.
Pen: You´re enjoying this, aren´t you?
Cat (mocking): Very much so, yes. So “darling”, what´re you going to do?

Pen: Please help me!
Cat: No way.
Pen: Please Francis!

Cat: What is it with you and this pen?
Pen: It´s crazy, like mental!
Cat: So are you.

Pen: come on Francis. Please help me!
Cat: Agh! What the hell… Fine.

They both get back.

(pink) Pen: Oh darling…
Pen (interrupting): Look, I think you´re a really nice Pen, but I have to be honest with you…
(pink) Pen: yes…

Pen: I can´t have a relationship with you.
(pink) Pen: why not?
Pen: Because I´m already in a relationship with someone else.
(pink) Pen: what?

Pen: Yes, I´m sorry. We have to stop seeing each other.
(pink) Pen: who´s the bitch?
Pen: what?

(pink) Pen: I can´t believe you! You met another Pen?
Pen: NO! I swear I didn´t.

Francis has lain down on the floor; he has his head on his hand and is very much enjoying the show.

(pink) Pen: then who?
Pen (starts looking at Francis): well…

(pink) Pen opens its eyes wide as it realizes and “marches” towards Francis.

(pink) Pen: You home wrecker!
Cat: What? Me?
(pink) Pen: Aren´t you ashamed of yourself?

Cat: what did I do?
(pink) Pen: You stole my darling!
Cat: I did what?

Francis looks at the Pen.

Pen (mouths): PLEASE!

Francis exhales in annoyance.

Cat (low, to himself): Fine…

Francis looks back at the (pink) Pen.

Cat: yes, yes. It´s true. I´m sorry. The Pen and I are lovers.
(pink) Pen: what?
Cat: we love each other very much and we´re thinking about getting married.

Pen: yes, that´s okay dear.
Cat (ignoring the Pen): I mean we love each other very much and sure the Pen is crazy and obnoxious and …
Pen (interrupting): yes, that enough dear!

(pink) Pen: But…
Pen: I´m sorry. I didn´t want to tell you because I didn´t want to hurt your feelings.
(pink) Pen: He´s a cat! You’re a Pen!
Pen: What can I say? It´s love!

(pink) Pen turns to Francis.

(pink) Pen: I hate you!
Cat: yes, yes! You can leave now.
(pink) Pen: I´m not going anywhere!

Cat/Pen: what?
(pink) Pen: You stole my darling from me and you´re going to burn in hell pussycat!

Cat: and here I thought Amelia was psycho.
Pen: Look Pen, I´m really sorry to do this to you but, as you can see, I´m already in a relationship with someone else.

(pink) Pen: Fine! If what you want is to be in a relationship with this flea bag…
Cat: hey!
(pink) Pen: But I´ll tell you this: If you ever get tired of this stupid ball of fur…

Francis looks highly annoyed but remains silent.

(pink) Pen (cont.): just call me okay?

Francis looks dumbstruck starring at the two Pens.

Pen: yeah, sure. Don´t count on it though.
Cat: are you insane?
(pink) Pen (ignoring the question): And you…

Francis recoils in fear.

(pink) Pen (cont.): you better take good care of my darling you, you… wrecked cat!
Cat: yeah, sure.
(pink) Pen: Bye darling.
Pen: Goodbye Pen.

(pink) Pen disappears.

Cat: finally! You owe me one!
Pen: Yes, I do. Thank you.
Cat: Ha! Ha! Ha!

Pen: why are you laughing?
Cat: That was fun.
Pen: Maybe for you.
Cat (grinning): yes!

Pen: so, when are we going to do this?
Cat: do what?
Pen: Get married.
Cat: get what now?

Pen: we have to do it. I mean, if that crazy Pen comes back…
Cat: It comes back, it’s your problem. I´ve done my good deed for the year.
Pen: You suck!
Cat: Love you too “darling”! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Pen: Yeah, yeah.  Ah crap!

The end!

2017_Joana Teixeira

 

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