Francis, the cat, is by his kitchen window, basking in the afternoon sunlight.
He´s resting after having spent the morning doing absolutely nothing.
A Pen comes along.
Francis feels a presence nearing him.
Cat: what do you want?
Pen (girly voice): I´m sorry Mr. Cat, could you please help me?
Cat (turns around, curious): Pen from hell, did you catch a cold or something?
Francis finds a bright pink pen with sparkly pink ink.
Cat (bursts out laughing): Ha! Ha! Ha! Well, hello there Candy! Nice to see you again.
(pink) Pen (angry): who the hell is Candy? And where are your manners you stupid mutt?
Cat (ignoring the insults): now that you mention it, you do look a little different than usual.
(pink) Pen (interested): what do you mean?
Cat: you´re usually blue with blue ink, except for that one time that…
(pink) Pen (interrupting): So you have seen it?
Cat: seen what?
(pink) Pen: My darling.
Cat: Your what?
(pink) Pen: My love. You see we were separated but I was finally able to find it and now we can live happily ever after, together.
Cat (talking to itself): what the hell did I drink this time?
(pink) Pen (annoyed): Hey! Are you always this rude?
Cat: I´m not rude. What do you want anyways?
(pink) Pen: I told you, to find my darling.
Cat: You mean the Pen.
(pink) Pen: yes.
Cat: And you´re a Pen.
(pink) Pen: What´s your point?
Cat: Oh for heaven´s sake!
Looks at the Pen.
“It” is looking at him, expectantly.
Cat: what exactly do you want with it, him or it? Ah… I don´t know, the boy Pen.
(pink) Pen (confused) Boy Pen?
Cat: yes boy. Aren´t you a girl pen?
(pink) Pen: No.
Cat: Then what the hell are you?
(pink) Pen: Androgynous.
Cat: Great, another alien.
(pink) Pen: Mr. Cat, are you going to help me or not?
Cat: And just how do you propose I do that?
(pink) Pen: Have you seen my beloved?
Cat: I know a Pen, but I don´t know if the Pen I know is the one you´re looking for.
(pink) Pen: What´s it like?
Cat: Crazy, mean and obnoxious. Mocks me relentlessly.
(pink) Pen: Yes, yes, that it. That´s my love.
Cat (doubtful): seriously?
(pink) Pen: yes.
Francis rolls his eyes.
Cat: well, he, she, it or whatever, is not here right now. If you´d like to leave a message I´ll relay it as soon as possible.
(pink) Pen: You will? Oh thank you Mr. Cat!
Cat: By the way, I know I´m going to regret this, but, do you have a name?
(pink) Pen: Oh why yes, but of course.
Cat: what is it?
(pink) Pen: Pen.
Cat: I knew it. Still asked.
Cat: okay Pen, I´ll let it, him, it… whatever know you were here looking for it.
(pink) Pen: Thank you so much Mr. Cat.
Cat: It´s Francis.
(pink) Pen: what is?
Cat: My name.
(pink) Pen: Oh okay. Thank you Mr. Francis.
Cat: yeah, goodbye.
(pink) Pen: Goodbye.
Francis turns away to leave but doubles back.
Cat: By the way…
The Pen is gone.
Cat: where did it go?
Cat: guess she left… he left? It? Hugh… who cares…
Pen: you know, some experts say talking to yourself as much as you do may be an early sign of dementia.
Cat (smiling): Oh hello.
Pen: Did you hear what I just said pussy cat?
Cat (ignoring the question): Nice to see you.
Pen: what? Since when?
Francis nears the Pen, smiling defiantly.
Cat: I guess you just missed her, it, she, whatever. Don´t you freakish pens have genders?
Pen: It´s called…
Cat (interrupting): androg… something or other.
Cat: yes, alien, thank you.
Pen: You really are stupid aren´t… (notices the smile) why are you smiling?
Cat: Because I just met your girlfriend, or is it boyfriend?
Pen: You need to lay off the booze. You´re getting crazier by the day.
Cat: anyways, I met your fiancée.
Pen: you met who now?
Cat: your fiancée.
Pen: I don´t … (smile fades) oh good mother of God!
The Pen starts looking around in every direction.
Pen (panicking): where? Here? NO! It’s not possible! Maybe you just hallucinated. Yeah that´s it. Just an illusion.
Pen: yeah, you´re crazy, so you imagined it! It has to be that. Please tell me that´s what it was…
Pen: where is it?
Cat: I don´t know. It was here and then it was gone.
Pen: Oh God!
Cat: what is it?
Pen: you know that special kind of crazy?
Cat: what kind of crazy?
Pen: the kind that belongs in a mental institution!
Francis breaks out laughing.
Cat: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Pen: Please stop laughing. This isn´t funny.
Cat: Oh I´m finding it hilarious.
Pen: I swear to you Francis. That Pen is wacked.
Cat: Like you´re wacked?
Pen: Francis, please help me!
The cat stops laughing.
Cat: you´re really afraid of this Pen aren´t you?
Pen: yes. Trust me; this Pen is crazier than any other crazy you could have ever met.
Cat: what did it do to you?
The Pen looks at Francis but remains silent.
(pink) Pen: Oh darling. Ha! I found you!
To be continued…