The Drunken cat and the possessed pen!_episode 64

Jason arrives home with Francis´s carrier in hand.

He sets the carrier on the kitchen counter and opens the door for Francis to come out.

Nada. No cat.

Jason: Francis, come out.
Cat (from inside the carrier): F*** You!
Jason: come out kitty cat.

Francis remains inside without moving.

Jason: Come on Francis, don´t be mad. I´ll give you something good to make up for it.
Cat: No f***** way!

Jason reaches inside the carrier and drags Francis out.

Francis wants to scratch him, but tada: No claws!

As a result, he tries to hold on to the carrier, unsuccessfully.

Jason picks him up and puts Francis face to face with him.

Jason: come on Francis, don´t be mad.
Cat: I hate you!

Francis reaches closer and bites Jason´s nose.

Jason screams in pain and releases Francis letting him drop to the floor.

Jason: Mother f*****!
Cat: I might not have my claws but I still have fangs! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Jason: Francis!

Francis, the cat runs of.

Jason: Crazy ass cat!
Cat (from a distance, yelling): stupid ass human!

Jason hears Francis bitching.

Jason: stop bitching! (to himself) He bit me!

He sys and puts the carrier away.

Jason then opens the cupboard and takes out a wine bottle. He sets it on the counter and starts opening it.

As soon as he pops the cork out, a sweet aroma reaches Francis´s nostrils and his ears go up in the air.

From the hallway, to which he had escaped, Francis peeks into the kitchen.

Cat (whispering): Magic Milk!

Jason spots Francis ears perked up in the air and smiles.

Jason: Okay. I guess you deserve it, but just this once.

Jason pours some of the crimson liquid onto Francis´s bowl and sets it down on the floor for him.

Francis, the cat, is betrayed by his thirst and follows blindly to where his favorite nectar awaits.

Jason leaves the room, smiling, when he notices Francis making way to his bowl.

Jason: crazy cat.

Francis starts to drink, noticing he was actually thirstier that he had thought.

Out comes the Pen.

Pen: Hey there cat!

Francis ignores “it”.

Pen: Francis? Hello?

Francis stops drinking and looks straight at it.

Cat: go away.
Pen: Why?
Cat: Not In the mood.

Pen: You´re not in the mood for what? Not here to court you pussy cat!
Cat: Go away!
Pen: What did I do?

Cat: Nothing! Go away!
Pen: What´s gotten into you?

Francis raises his paw and shows it to the Pen.

The Pen looks at it fearfully.

Pen: what? What are you doing?
Cat: Look at it!
Pen: I am looking. I don´t see anything.

Cat: Precisely.
Pen: What?
Cat: Just look at it!

Pen: I am looking, you crazy cat!
Cat: No claws!
Pen: you had a manicure?

Cat: No you idiot! Jason had me declawed.
Pen: what did you do?
Cat: What makes you think I did anything?

Pen: wrecked cat, if Jason had you declawed, you must had done something, bad.
Cat: No I didn´t!
Pen: You sure about that?
Cat (hesitating): yes…

Pen: crazy cat?
Cat: I… think… maybe?
Pen: What did you do?

Cat: It was nothing.
Pen: Okay, now I know you definitely did something, what was it?

Cat: Okay… so maybe I …
Pen: spit it out!
Cat: I found a very silky, wonderful cloth that was in Jason´s bed and used it to sharpen and soothe my claws. It felt so good between my paws. Also it turns out that it was Missy´s new, very expensive dress.

Pen: Oh you crazy cat!
Cat: How was I supposed to know? It was just there!
Pen: You ruined it didn´t you?

Francis looks away, guilty.

Cat: How was I supposed to know? I´m a cat!
Pen: You´re lucky Jason only had you declawed.
Cat: I hate him!

Pen: stupid cat, you ruined his girlfriend´s dress.
Cat: I´m his child!
Pen: You´re his drunkard of a cat!
Cat: shut up!

Pen: You´re lucky he didn´t have you neutered!
Cat: What?
Pen: was Missy mad?
Cat: Oh yeah!

Pen: Forget neutered, you´re lucky he didn´t put you up for adoption.
Cat: He adores me.

Pen: Oh I believe you on that. Pets have been thrown away for less.
Cat: I didn´t know.

Pen: Bad cat!
Cat: stupid Pen!

Pen: well, he can´t be all that mad, I mean, he just gave you your favorite treat.
Cat: oh no, he was mad.
Pen: I believe you, to have you declawed and everything.

Cat: Still, that hurt like a mother….
Pen (interrupting): Kitty! Language!
Cat: Oh please. You should have heard what I screamed at the vet.

Pen: PG 13?
Cat (smiling): yeah, right!
Pen: You have the mouth of a sailor!
Cat: You say it like that´s a bad thing.

Pen: But, if Jason was mad and had you declawed, why did he give you magic milk to make up for it?

Cat: because that stupid man hurt me and I bled.
Pen (mocking): You passed out didn´t you?

Francis looks away, embarrassed.

Cat: I don´t know what you´re talking about…
Pen: Ha! You did! You passed out! Was it from the blood?
Cat: You really are one sadistic pen, aren´t you?

Pen: yes and may I add, very proud to be so!
Cat: I hate you!
Pen: Love you too stink ass. Ha! Ha! Ha!

The end!

2016_Joana Teixeira

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