The Drunken cat and the possessed pen!_episode 60

Jason arrived home with Francis in hand.

After having spent the evening drinking with “grandma”, Francis was still feeling the effects of the good time he had spent in the company of his newest friend.

He spent a good part of the trip home on Jason´s lap as he wasn´t feeling so well.

Jason finally got Francis to fall asleep. He took the opportunity to place the sleeping cat inside his carrier. He also noticed Francis had vomited all over his pants.

Now home, Jason placed the carrier on the kitchen counter and opened the door to allow Francis to come out.

Francis stayed put. No cat.

Jason looked inside the carrier and found Francis sound asleep.

He reached inside to drag his drunkard friend out.

Cat (winning): NO! Let me go, I need to sleep!
Jason: Come on, you crazy cat.

Cat: Ah… You´re insufferable. Can´t you see I need to sleep. Why didn´t you just leave me at your mother´s house. She´s actually nice and she gave me wine.

Jason: I never in a million years would have thought that my mother, of all people would get you drunk. You seriously have a problem.

Cat: yes, I do. And it´s called Jason, a.k.a. you. You´re a pain in my ass.

Jason grabbed Francis and put him on the floor. He watched his cat wobble to his resting place, while at the same time trying not to fall on his face.

He closed the carrier and put it in its place under the table, shaking his head from side to side, laughing.

Jason: only you mother…

Francis managed to get to his spot without falling over, although there were a couple of close calls in which the cat thought he might tumble. He knew if that happened he would have a very hard time getting back up.

The cat was desperate to get to his bed and lay down.

If only…

As soon as Francis stepped on his bed, he felt a chill cover him from head to paws.

Cat: Agh…

Pen (screaming): Hello Francis!

Despite the Pen´s efforts, Francis did not jump and scream like he had in the past.

The cat just turned his head slightly to face the pen. He found “it” in shock.

Cat: what do you want?
Pen (confused): Kitty, why didn´t you scream and jump high in the air?
Cat: Why would I do that?

Pen: Because I scared the crap out of you.
Cat: No, you didn´t.
Pen: Yes, I did!

Cat: Nope!
Pen: why?
Cat: because I felt you coming.

Pen: NO, you didn´t!
Cat: Yes, I did. I felt the same thing I feel when I get sick and I´m about to throw up.

The Pen looks at the cat in fear and back away slightly. No need for another vomit bath.

Pen: and what exactly do you feel when that happens?
Cat: something ominous. Face it stick, I can feel you coming a mile away.
Pen (upset): No way.
Cat: way!

Pen: You´re lying!
Cat: I´m really not.
Pen: are you telling me, I´m losing my mojo?

Cat: your what?
Pen: my special skills.
Cat:  Stick, you´re a stick! You don´t have any special skills.
Pen: of course I do.

Cat: Name one.
Pen: Um… well, I can write many things, in several languages and I can draw, art and stuff.
Cat: you know, dropping all of your ink on my head, can´t exactly be called artistic.

Pen: yes, but still…
Cat (interrupting): Those aren´t your special skills. They´re whomever´s using you at that particular moment.

Pen: I for one have some use in my existence, as for you, not so much.
Cat: I have a use.
Pen: yeah, right.

Cat: I do.
Pen: Oh yeah? Like what? Because love to break it to you kitty cat, drunk and obnoxious aren´t skills.

Cat (smiling): cute and fluffy.
Pen: That´s not useful.
Cat: of course it is. Whenever Jason comes home tired and or upset, I get on his lap, he pets me for a while and he immediately feels better afterwards.

Pen: Um…
Cat: can´t argue with that now can you?
Pen: That still doesn´t explain how you felt my presence before I said your name.
Cat: you screamed my name, as per usual.
Pen: yes, well…

Cat: I´ve gotten used to you, I can feel you coming.
Pen (outraged): oh no. No! No! No!
Cat: Oh yes, yes, yes.
Pen: Ah… Hell!

The Pen turns and starts to “walk” away, angry and confused.

Francis, the cat, smiles victoriously.

He looks to the sides, no Pen in sight.

Cat: Of course it helps that Jason put a mirror over there, up on that wall. I saw you coming stupid stick. Ha! Ha! Ha!

He wobbles.

Cat: crap, my head hurts.

The end.

2016_Joana Teixeira

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