The Drunken cat and the possessed pen!_episode 59

Previoulsy on “the drunken cat and the possessed pen”:

Jason: wake up kitty.

Cat: Are you high or something? What´s with the “kitty”?

Jason: come on Francis, be a good boy.
Cat: I am a good boy. Key word “boy”. Every time I get into that thing I come back looking like a transvestite. The bad version!

Jason: … so basically you´re going to have to stay with my mom for a few days.


Jason arrived at his mother´s house, Francis in hand.

As they entered the house, or dungeon as Francis liked to call it, the cowardly cat went silent.

After having spent the whole trip there bitching and annoying Jason to no end, Francis hushed and recoiled in fear.

In his eyes, he had just entered the witch´s den.

Jason´s mother, Matilda, was expecting them.

Matilda: hello there Jason.
Jason: Hey mom. Thanks for doing this.
Matilda: Yeah, no problem.

Jason: You sure? I can take him elsewhere…

From inside the carrier, Francis listened in, hopeful.

Matilda: Don´t be ridiculous. Why would you spend money uselessly? I can watch over him for a while.
Jason: Really? Will I still have my cat in one piece when I get back?

Matilda: You never said he had to be in one piece, I thought…
Jason (interrupting): Mom!
Matilda: I´m kidding. Jeez… Of course he´ll be in one piece. What do you think I´m going to do with your cat? A casserole?

Francis had never been this scared in his life. This woman was crazy.

Jason picked up the carrier and set him on the floor and opened the door.

Nothing. No cat.

Jason: Come out Francis.

Not a sound.

Jason: Francis, I don´t have all day.
Matilda: Is that cat coming out or what?
Jason: I don´t know what´s wrong with him.

Matilda: If you had gotten a dog, we wouldn´t be having this problem right now, would we?
Jason: Really? This again? Maybe I should take my cat elsewhere.
Matilda: Oh for heaven´s sake Jason, just leave the cat. He´ll be in one piece when you get back.

Jason: will he be sane?
Matilda: Jason, he´s a cat, not a child.
Jason (confused): what?

Matilda: Just go!
Jason: okay! Okay! Just let me get him out of the carrier.

Jason peaks inside the carrier and finds Francis still recoiled in a corner, terrified.

Jason: Come on Francis! It´s my mom.
Cat: It´s the devil! No wait, it would be better if it was the devil. That woman hates me!
Jason: Francis, I don´t have all day!

Jason reaches inside the carrier and grabs Francis. He drags him out “kicking and screaming”.

The can tries to run back inside, but Jason rapidly closes the door and picks it up.

Jason: No! Now be a good boy and behave. I´ll pick you up as soon as I can.

Francis, the cat, stays still, frozen in place.

Matilda: told you! You should have gotten an actual pet. Like a hamster or something. This fluff ball is useless.

Jason: Mom!
Matilda: What? It´s true. This asexual cat is as useful as a stuffed toy.
Jason: Mom, Francis is a boy.
Matilda: Jason, he´s a cat!

Jason: yes, he´s a cat. He´s my cat and I´m your son. I´m trusting you to keep my cat alive while I go away. Can I count on you for that?

Jason´s mother, Matilda, sys in annoyance.

Matilda: I suppose… Fine! I´ll take care of your cat. Go along on your little trip. I´ll make sure your rat of a cat is alive when you come back.

Jason: Alive and well, I presume.
Matilda: don´t push it.
Jason: Mom!
Matilda: I´m joking. Who do you take me for?

Jason: Mom…
Matilda: go! Leave us be and go in peace. We´ll be just fine.

Jason (looking at Francis): You promise?
Matilda: yes, yes, goodbye.

Jason kisses his mother goodbye and pets Francis´s head.

Jason: I´ll see you later buddy.

Matilda walks her son to the door.

She closes the door and comes back.

Francis is frozen in place.

Matilda: You really are a fluff ball.

Francis looks at the woman petrified.

Matilda: that son of mine is such a worry wart.

She walks away.

Matilda: Now cat, listen to me. You have food, water and a box to do your business. Okay?
Cat (fearful): Okay…
Matilda: Okay. I need a drink.

Matilda goes to get something from the cabinet while Francis watches on by, curious.

She pours herself a glass of wine.

Francis recognizes the wonderful scent that he loves so much and approaches the woman.

Matilda turns to find Francis starring at her.

Matilda: what?

Francis looks at the bottle and then back at her.

She raises an eyebrow, wondering.

Matilda sets her glass on the counter and goes into the kitchen. She comes back holding a bowl.

She pours some of the crimson liquid into it and sets it on the floor.

She watches by as Francis attacks the bowl and starts to drink feverously.

She nods in approval.

An hour later.

Matilda: … and then… he tells me he wants to dress up as a princess to Halloween…
Cat: No, you´re joking!
Matilda: I kid you not! I was afraid he would start stealing my clothes and makeup.

Cat: No! Stop! I can´t! This is too much…
Matilda: For a while there, I thought he wanted to become a cabaret dancer.
Cat: You´re killing me here! Ha! Ha! Ha! And he mocks me for liking the theater.

Matilda (serious): you know what fluff ball, you´re not so bad.

Cat: Right (hiccup) back (hiccup) at ya! (hiccup)
Matilda: Ha! Ha! Ha!


Somehow Jason was able to come back sooner.

He arrives at the crack of dawn and is surprised by what he finds.

He enters the living room and sees his mother sleeping on the couch with Francis in her arms.

He nearly trips on the discarded bottle of wine on the floor. Jason picks it up and looks at his mother and cat.

Jason (laughing): bonding over wine. Why didn´t I think of that?

Jason grabs a blanket and sets it over the two.

He leaves the room, leaving them to “sleep it of”.

The end.

2016_Joana Teixeira



2 thoughts on “The Drunken cat and the possessed pen!_episode 59

  1. Looks like I arrived for the last episode of this, but what fun I had reading this. This episode and the way it was written is very visual. It was easy to have images conjured in my head as I read along. As a cat lover, I loved the cat and his expressions. And the wine drinking scene was so humorous I could picture one of my own cats getting imbibed. Good writing. Guess I need to go back and start this over at the beginning.

    Liked by 1 person

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