The Drunken cat and the possessed pen!_episode 52

Francis, the cat, enters his house from the back door after having spent the afternoon basking in the sunlight.

As he reaches the kitchen he spots his favorite bottle sitting on the counter. It contains his beloved nectar.

The bottle has been left open to “breathe”.

Francis knocks it down and starts to drink.

After a few gulps:

Cat: Ah… brain freeze!
Pen: Oh please! That would imply you actually have a brain!

Cat (screaming): Ah! Stupid stick! How long have you been here?
Pen: Pretty much since you started drinking that stuff.
Cat: What?
Pen: Nothing! Never mind. You´re too stupid to understand anyways…

Cat (angry): I am not stupid!
Pen: you kind of are!

Francis decides to ignore the pen and continues to drink.

Brain freeze.

Cat: Ah!
Pen: you know, that stuff´s bad for you!
Cat: why?
Pen: well, it’s wine, first and foremost, and now it seems it has the ability to freeze your brain. Let´s face it Francis, if that happens too many times you won´t be able to reboot!

Cat: Re what?
Pen: I swear to God, You´re so stupid, sometimes I wonder why I even bother with you.
Cat: because you´re a pen from hell!
Pen: And you´re one dumb ass cat!

Cat: aha! I finally figured it out!
Pen: Wait! You figured something out? Kitty, is it possible?
Cat: what is?
Pen: That you´re actually becoming smart!

Cat: I´ve always been smart.
Pen: No you haven´t!
Cat: You´re just too stupid to understand my level of awesomeness.

Pen: Wrecked cat, words are coming out of your mouth but I wonder if you even know what they mean!

Cat: Don´t you have something better to do?
Pen: Like what?
Cat: I don´t know! You´re a pen. Pens are used to write stuff.
Pen: So?

Cat: so, are you broken or something?
Pen: Why would I be broken?
Cat: because it seems that the only use you have these days is to nag the heck out of me!

Pen: You see Francis, that´s exactly it!
Cat: What is?
Pen: I´m a special pen.
Cat: Special like limited edition?

Pen: yes, that´s exactly it.
Cat: I see.
Pen: See what?
Cat: Limited to one.

Pen: What?
Cat: Limited to one nagging, obnoxious, freakish pen from hell!
Pen: Kitty what are you saying?
Cat: Pen, I´m going to pray for you.

Pen (confused): I beg your pardon?
Cat: I´m going to pray for you, so you´ll be exorcised from that pen form and you can go to the afterlife and finally get you much needed rest in peace.

Pen: Francis, to be honest, I sometimes wonder just how stupid can you get. And you know what? You surprise me every time!

Cat: yes, I know. I´m awesome like that!
Pen: You´re stupid like that!
Cat: Heavenly Father…
Pen (interrupting): What´re you doing?

Cat: I told you, I´m going to pray for you.
Pen: Don´t do that!
Cat: Why not?
Pen: Do you really want to get rid of me that badly?

Cat: yes!
Pen: why?
Cat: Because you´re annoying and you mock me constantly!
Pen: What if I promise not to do it again?

Cat: Not do what?
Pen: Mock you.
Cat: you promise you´ll never mock me again?
Pen (no way!): like never?

Cat: Pen!
Pen: Okay, how about I promise not to mock you for the next 24 hours?
Cat: How long is that?
Pen: You really are stupid aren´t you?

Cat: Heavenly father…
Pen: Okay, okay! I promise not to mock you for the next 48 hours. How about that?

Francis thinks about the Pen´s offer for a second.

Cat: fine! I´ll take what I can get.
Pen: well, that settles it then. Bye kitty cat.
Cat: Bye.

Francis walks away.

Pen: Jason´s going on a business trip and he might need me to sign some papers, so I won´t be here anyways. Ha, ha, ha! But as soon as we come back it’s on!

Francis, the cat, turns back.

Cat: did you say something?
Pen: No kitty, I was just talking to myself.
Cat: You really should see a doctor.
Pen: Right! Because I´m the one who´s a drunk ball of fur.

Cat: What?
Pen: I didn´t say anything. Have a nice nap kitty.
Cat: yeah. Bye.
Pen: Ha, ha, ha!

The end!

2016_Joana Teixeira.

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