The Drunken cat and the possessed pen!_episode 42

Francis, the cat, is outside in his backyard basking in the afternoon sunlight.

The Pen comes along, from out of nowhere.

Francis has his eyes closed as the sunlight is hitting his face, but feels a presence nearing him.
He doesn’t move. Somehow he can sense “who” it is.

Pen: Hey there fur ball.
Cat: Hey there useless stick.
Pen: I´m not useless. I for one have use in my existence. Unlike you!
Cat: Oh yeah? And what use is that? Nag the hell out of me?

Pen: Preci…

Whoosh…

Francis opens one eye and the Pen is nowhere in sight.

Cat: What? Where did you go? Don´t you think that´s a bit rude?

Looks to the sides… Nothing!

Cat: Hello?

From up above.

Pen (yelling): Francis, help!

Francis looks up and sees a bird with the Pen on its claws.

Cat: Pen? Oh no!

Francis gets of his ass and jumps of the chair he was resting on.

Said bird, soon realizes he is being pursued from down below and decides to stop on a tree branch.

Cat: Oh, thank god you stopped!
Bird: what do you want?
Cat: I really shouldn’t have had that last Chinese dumpling at lunch…

The cat is struggling to breathe.

Bird: Hey, wrecked cat! What do you want with me?
Cat: wait… you can talk?
Bird: Of course I can talk; you can too, can´t you?
Cat: yes, of course, but… I´m a cat!

Bird: And I´m a bird!
Cat: Are you a parrot?
Bird (angry): Of course not! Do you always start of offending people as soon as you meet them?

Cat: You´re a bird.
Bird: So? Don´t go off calling someone names just because you feel like it!
Cat: I´m sorry. What are you then?
Bird: How the hell should I know! I´m a bird! I have wings and a beak and I can fly!

Francis starts to look to the side.

Cat: Sorry I asked…
Bird: What do you want? Why were you chasing me? If you´re looking for food, you´re looking in the wrong place. I´m Mexican. Uno, dos, tres! Guacamole, salsa! That shit´s bad for kitties like you, haven´t you heard?

Cat: I wasn´t looking for food.
Bird (ignoring): ´cause you can´t eat spicy, and I´m spicy as hell. You can get indigestion!
Cat: What´s indigestion?
Bird: Don´t know, don´t care, but it’s bad! So get going and stop chasing me. Forget all about my beautiful and delicious self, ´cause you´re not getting none of it, okay?

Cat: I don´t want to eat you.
Bird: Oh no? You really think I´m stupid don´t you? Then why were you chasing me? Want us to play chess or something?

Cat: No. I want my friend back!
Bird: What friend? Are you high? You´re a cat! I´m a bird! We´re like mortal enemies or something! Plus, we just met. Don´t go off calling us friends!

Cat: do you always talk this much?
Bird: whatever pussy cat…  I´m not going to fall for your friend speech and become lunch.
Cat: I just want the pen back.
Bird: what pen?

Cat: The one you just stole!
Bird: I didn´t steal no pen! It was just there. Lonely and forgotten.
Cat: It wasn´t lonely, I was talking to it.
Bird: Talking?

Cat: Yes. We were having a conversation and you interrupted us.
Bird (confused):  You were having a conversation?
Cat: yes.
Bird: with whom?
Cat: with the pen!

Bird: Are you like one of those kids with special needs that talk to their stuffed animals or something?
Cat: No!
Bird: Then what do you want with a pen? It’s not like you can write.
Cat (angry): Just give me back my pen!
Bird (challenging Francis): What are you going to do if I don´t?
Cat: One day you´ll be distracted while eating or something and I´m going to pounce on you and chew you! So just give it back!

Bird: You really like this pen, don´t you?
Cat: Give it back, now!
Bird: Okay, okay…

The bird flies down and drops the pen next to Francis.

Bird: There! Are we good?
Cat (clueless): Are we what?
Bird: you´re not going to eat me are you?
Cat: Don´t be ridiculous.

Bird: But you said…
Cat (interrupting): I´m a cat. How would I ever cook you? Plus all those feathers, yuck!

The bird is left speechless as Francis takes the pen home with him.

Bird: Is that cat for real?

To be continued…

2016_Joana Teixeira

 

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