The Drunken cat and the possessed pen!_episode 41

Francis, the cat, is at home.

Jason has just left for the day and Francis is left alone as per usual.

On his way to his favorite spot in the house, the living room couch, Francis hears a noise.

As he believes that it is Jason, he doubles back.

Cat: No, nope. I wasn´t on my way to the couch. No sir…

But to Francis´s surprise he finds a strange man.

Cat: Hello…
Man: Hey there kitty.
Cat: Who the hell are you?
Man: You´re a nice kitty aren´t you?

Pen: Francis…
Cat: Pen? When did you get here?
Pen: We don´t have time for chit chat. You´re going to have to step up, and be the man of the house.

Cat: I´m a cat.
Pen: Fine, the cat of the house.
Cat: I am the cat of the house, stupid!

Pen: Seriously? You want to get into an argument now?
Cat: You started it!
Pen: Oh, for heaven´s sake!
Cat: What?

Pen: See that man?
Cat: Of course I see him. I´m not blind. He´s right in front of me.
Pen: Get mad.
Cat: I am mad. You´re annoying me!

Pen: Not at me. At him!
Cat: Why? You´re the one who´s nagging me!
Pen: Stupid cat, that man is here to rob this house.
Cat: What?

Pen: Did you think he had come here for tea and cookies?
Cat: Maybe, I don´t know.
Pen: Francis wake up! That man is a burglar!  He´s here to rob Jason.
Cat: How do you know?

Pen: He has a bag and is putting things in it.
Cat: Maybe he´s the new maid, cleaning up.
Pen:  He´s not throwing away garbage, you idiot! He´s stealing valuables.

Cat: Really? Because he´s not going anywhere near my corner in the kitchen and all my toys are there!
Pen: Idiot cat, if you didn´t exist you´d have to be invented.
Cat: No one could ever invent such awesomeness!

Pen: He´s robbing your house. Jason is going to be mad and upset. You don´t want that to happen, do you?
Cat: No, I don´t.
Pen: Then throw yourself at that guy so he´ll run away.
Cat: Me?

Pen: Yes, you! Pull out those claws and bite him.
Cat: But… What if I break a nail?
Pen: Francis!
Cat: Fine.

Francis looks at the man and then back the Pen. Before the cat can back down, the Pen yells at him.

Pen: Now Francis!
Cat: Okay, okay. Don´t get your panties in a fuss.

Francis walks to the edge of the kitchen and watches the intruder.

As the man nears Francis spot in the house, he finds something shiny that catches his attention: Amelia´s favorite collar. All sparkly and shiny.

Cat: Oh no! Don´t you dare touch that!

Francis gets of his ass and runs towards the man. He jumps and throws himself at him digging his claws into the man´s butt.

The man starts screaming like a maniac and trying to rid himself from the cat.

Francis takes the opportunity to bite him as well.

Man (screaming): You dam cat from hell. Let go of me!

He drops his bag of stolen goodies onto the floor and runs to the door, all the while with Francis glued to him.

As they reach the door Francis lets go of him.

The burglar runs out the door with his ass all scratched and bruised.

Francis remains at the door hissing.

Cat (yelling): and don´t you dare come back!

He turns back inside.

Pen: Wow Francis! I have to say I am impressed!
Cat: I think I´m going to throw up…
Pen: Are you okay?
Cat: My mouth tastes like mothballs.
Pen: What?
Cat: I bit him.
Pen: Oh yeah, that sucks.

Francis looks like he´s about to barf.

Pen (cont.): But Francis, I have to say. I´m impressed.
Cat: By what?
Pen: By you! You bit and scratched him. He went out running.
Cat: I was pretty cool, wasn´t I?

Pen: Yes, yes you were.
Cat: Thanks Pen.
Pen: No problem. I mean, I live here too, you know.
Cat: oh crap!

Pen: What is it?
Cat: Do you think he was a pen collector?
Pen: A pen collector?
Cat: Yes, a pen collector.

Pen: How the hell should know? How is that relevant?
Cat: Maybe he could have stolen you!
Pen: Ha, ha! Shut up stupid.
Cat: I´m serious. Maybe he would have taken you. He might need a pen for some reason.

Pen: You´d be lost without me, you stupid fur ball.
Cat: No. You would have been stolen if it hadn´t been for me.
Pen: You´re such an idiot Francis.
Cat: No. I´m the wonderful and amazing Francis!

Pen: Your breath smells like mothballs!
Cat: I know. I´m going to throw up!
Pen: Amazing and defeated by mothballs.

The cat goes away.

Pen: Ha, ha! You did good. That you did!

The Pen looks everywhere to make sure no one heard “it”.

The end!

2016_Joana Teixeira

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